I have a thing for names… I’ve been thinking about names since I myself was a young girl. I remember in grade school really, really wishing my name was Jessica! Thinking back, I’m positive that Anne of Green Gables had something to do with that  Lady Cordelia wasn’t quite the style in the 80’s, but Jessica was ever such a beautiful, sophisticated, and popular name! No one had the name Naomi; no one that I had met, anyhow.

As I grew up, I learned to love my name for it’s meaning and uniqueness. In reading Bible stories of Angelic visitation and Holy Spirit inspired naming of certain anticipated babies, and the re-naming of some who needed an identity change and purpose, I became ever obsessed with the significance of a name. Around my 18^th birthday, my cousin Sarah bought me a book called “Who’s Who in the Bible,” which contains every name listed in the Bible, and tells the meaning (if known) of each name, and a little synopsis of who they were. She knew I loved names! (Confession: I can’t sit through a sermon in church without hearing a word, and thinking it could be an awesome name.)

As you may know, my husband and I have six children. If you know them, you know that their names are not particularly normal. You know why? God named them, all six.

In December, we found out that we were expecting our seventh child! We were totally surprised, and extremely excited! Within two days of finding out, we had a name for the baby. But first, I want to tell you the story behind all the other kid’s names…

Our firstborn son has the most “normal” name of all the kids, and it fits him well. We purposely didn’t find out the gender of the baby during his pregnancy, but had names picked out for both boy and girl. I remember, however, being very unsettled on the girl’s name we had as the time drew nearer for his birth. It just didn’t seem right. Dower is a family last name on my husband’s side of the family – a great, great grandfather named John Dower. At least one descendant in each generation after him bears his last name as a middle name. It’s an English surname that is related to the word “dowry.” This is something of value, a gift, estate, sustenance, and/or treasure. Elijah means “Yahweh is my God.” So his name means, “Yahweh is my God and treasure – my sustenance, and where my life finds value.” Elijah Dower.

Our next son was named as my husband and I, and 6 month old Elijah, drove through the Redwood forest on our way home. We weren’t even positive I was pregnant yet! His name is Cedar Torres. Cedar is a strong, durable, weather resistant wood. The Bible talks about the Cedars of Lebanon, and I can only imagine how majestic they must have been to be used in the construction of possibly the most expensive building project in history – the building of God’s House; the Temple.  Torres is my maiden name, and it means “Towers” in Spanish. We believe that with this name, he is called to be a “Strong Tower of refuge that will resist decay in life’s weathering, and will be used to build God’s church.”

Legacy Grace was named a year before she was even conceived. Like Cedar, there was never a name during the pregnancy for the opposite gender. Her name reflects Eric and I’s desire to have our family Legacy be of God’s Grace. It’s his love and unmerited favor that we want to pass on as a strong Legacy to our children, their children and the people around us. She is called to be a living Legacy of that mind-boggling characteristic and gift of God.

Our next daughter was named before we found out her gender, and again, there was no boy name. The name God gave us this time was Harmony Reign. She is called to bring peace, and unity, and to live in such a way that compliments others and makes the Melody sound better. Musically, although harmony is not the “lead” part, it adds depth, humility, and fullness to a song that would be rather plain and boring with just the melody. May a spirit of unity and building others up Reign in and through this girl!

In 2010, a very dear friend, who was instrumental in my husband’s salvation, was tragically killed. Her name was Jennifer Paulson. I remember the month of her death, Eric and I decided that if we had another child, she would either have Jennifer as a middle name for a girl, or he would have Paulson as a middle name for a boy. That same year, the Texas Rangers were playing in the World Series (my husband is a baseball crazy-man!).  I remember watching the games on T.V. and listening to the announcers call one of the pitchers by his last name, Feliz.  I had always wanted to have a Spanish named child, but my husband’s Spanish accent abilities were lacking, and I didn’t think it would be right to have a son or daughter whose name their own father couldn’t pronounce!  Feliz was easy though, he could say that!  And it went so well with our other daughter’s “words for names” names.  So we were set with Feliz Jennifer before we were pregnant with her as well.  I had a boy name that I liked, but Eric didn’t, and he had one that I didn’t like – so going with God’s previous pattern, we didn’t end up having to worry about that because we had a girl!  Feliz means “happy” in Spanish, and is often used in celebration greetings like, “Feliz Navidad.” (Which most people can’t help but sing when they meet her!)  Jennifer means a “pure white wave.” So her name is significant of a joy/happiness that comes like a wave washing over heartbreak and bringing purity to polluted souls – that’s something to celebrate!!

It was after Feliz that I realized the pattern of God’s faithfulness in giving us a name, and then the child for that name. Eric thought we were done having kids, but one day I told him that I loved the idea of Ransom as a name. His response? “Oh man, that would look really good on a wrestling bracket!” Haha!  Then, “If you could guarantee me a boy, I’d go for it.”

To which I replied, “Based on God’s track record, I think HE is guaranteeing us a boy, since he’s given us a name!  And I think His guarantee is better than mine.”  Lo and behold, we had a son the next year!  His name is Ransom Webster.  “Ransom” comes from the scripture in Matthew 20:28, where Jesus says that he came “to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Webster is the last name of my Grandparents who pastored for nearly 40 years in the same small community we do now.  They poured their lives into their family and town, to help those find freedom in Jesus!  So Ransom’s name is a prayer, a promise, and a prophecy – that those “many” in our family and community and world who are held captive to addictions, depression, or the outrageous lies of the enemy, will LIVE in the Freedom that Christ paid the price for, when he gave his life as the ransom.

Once again, my husband “thought” we were done.  I was starting to believe him too, until mid December when I was late to start my period.  We took a pregnancy test, and the results were questionable.  So I took another one 3 days later, and it was positive!  We were shocked, but totally thrilled, and as I said earlier, had a name for the baby within a few days of finding out.

My daughter Harmony had gotten this cute little teddy bear that fit in the palm of her hand from a friend, and since it was so close to Christmas, she named it, “Spirit of Christmas!” A few days later, she found it in our van, and asked, “What did I name this teddy bear again? I forgot.”

“Spirit of Christmas,” I replied.

“Oh, that’s right!” she said. “But I’m going to call him ‘Spirit’ for short.”

My heart quickened.  I knew that was the name of the baby I was carrying!  I texted my husband that day, “Spirit – baby name?”  And he was totally on board.  Boy or girl, Spirit was the name!

We told the kids on Christmas Day that we were expecting another sibling for them, and their reactions will go down in history as one of my best memories!  Elijah told me multiple times throughout the day that he nearly cried, and then would just yell out at the top of his lungs at random times, “MY MOM IS PREGNAAAAANT!!!”  Harmony then and in the coming month would talk to Spirit, and told me that she couldn’t wait to hold the baby, because holding a baby is like “feeling God.”  The others were ecstatic as well – we were going to have our first summer baby!

January 27th, I miscarried. And it was hard. Emotionally, and physically very painful. We were all heartbroken.

But the name.

The name God gave us for this baby.  Spirit.  Now a spirit baby.

I can’t tell you how comforting it has been over the course of the last few months to KNOW that God sees us, he sees me; that he knows and sees from beginning to the end, not just today; that he loves and cares enough about my human life to speak to me; and that he is holding my baby Spirit and caring for her better than I could.

He is holding me as well.  Close to his heart, and I feel peace.  I feel loved.  His presence is the sweetest gift – even in the midst of life’s heartaches.

May you find peace today in knowing that God sees you too – and he loves you.  He knows your name.